…it kills me still… it rips off my heart like it always did before… crazy! annoying! And yet I submit myself to such familiar feeling, defenselessly. i dream of waking up someday unaffected, unruffled and completely well… and those dreams? that never fail to give me a feeling of (false) hope… they haunt me… they’re too far from reality, but part of me wants them to be real… stressful… #_#