Journal. Diary. Grievance notebook. Whatever you call it! Today marks the 6th year of this little thing that I bought after my first audit season in 2006—that was June 19, 2006 to be exact! No, this isn’t my first journal, but yes this is the only journal that hasn’t been filled with whatever nonsense that I could have written within those 6 years! :)
Actually, the purpose of this journal is to document all the GRIEVANCES (work-related) that I feel which I couldn’t tell anyone—I WAS just not that expressive, I’d rather keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. But then as I was browsing through this journal, it made me realize that:
• Most of my entries were about a single person; I’ve been writing about this person for quite a couple of years now. hohoho! Crazy!
• All entries got these feelings of sadness, frustrations, and longing. Oh the senti side of me! pathetic! hahaha! —I don’t usually write when I am happy! :D
And then re-reading these entries brings back all those bittersweet memories! Heart-breaking! Annoying! hahaha! But somehow enlightening! (oh ha!) . I used to cling to this thought: “I won’t stop writing for as long as I am hurt!” Seems like my writing skills thrive in emotions—sad and bursting emotions! Crazy isn’t it?! Hehehe!
This journal has gone through a lot—from having witnessed my experiences on finding an inspiration**holding back and denying a feeling**accepting a fall**trying to break the fall but then falling deeper**realizing it wasn’t a good fall**mending**believing and trusting again**realizing for the nth time that it really wasn’t a good fall after all**mending again**learning**surviving!
That’s why today, I CELEBRATE MY JOURNAL’S SURVIVAL of the many times that I have thought of burning the pages (with bad memories in it!) into ashes! Hahaha! :D
Six long years, but it still got a lot of blank pages. No, I didn’t get tired of writing; I just preferred writing down my thoughts in soft copies—*M-Word files and oh posts in this blogsite! (Perhaps I evolved from being secretive to being obviously expressive! hehehe!)
6 years. A few written pages. Sad journal entries. These make me want to close the journal… BUT NO, I have decided to TURN THE PAGE. The past 6 years might not have ended the way I wanted it to end, but I’m hanging on a hope that the next years would be better. :) ..And that would be worth writing down on this very same journal. :)
I’m ready to fill in the next chapter of this journal—hopefully, I’d be inspired enough to also write down happy memories. :D