Kung existence ko nga hndi mo nararamdaman, what more yung absence ko!?—these were the last few words i wrote last night in my journal…my tears just can’t defy gravity that i cried for almost an hour…

i was practicing again my “piece” so that by the time I had the chance to talk to him, nothing will be left unsaid…really…i’m so looking forward for the day when both of us would be wiling to talk about our relationship (if that existed in reality).

as i was reminiscin’, i realized how blinded and persistent i was in pursuing my hidden desire of making him my man. taena! tatlong taon na pala akong nalulungkot, tatlong taon na pala akong umiiyak sa sulok!. just when i’m about to let go of the unromantic side of me, someone just took it for granted! when i finally allowed my defenses to crumble down, someone slashed my heart and left me wounded…

di mo alam yun no? hindi mo alam kase wala kang pakialam! [and perhaps i didn’t want to let you know]…it’s just too scary and too risky…BUT I TRIED! labo, alam ko! …and how could you stand not responding to what i said? how can you stand knowing i’m waiting for a reply? tigas mo din no? just want to ask you: how’d you do that? how’d you manage to be unaffected? paturo naman!
:(