Maybe I am just too stubborn to recognize that there aren’t too many constants in this world. Perhaps I hold on too much on things that I don’t have control of, that when all of a sudden they change course in mid-flight, I find myself spiraling down into this chasm that’s filled with my own fear and vulnerability. These are all too familiar, but I guess I never have gotten over this fear of seeing something slip away; of seeing something go and watching my tomorrows being washed away.
It gets worse when they’re gone, together with their unspoken reasons…
Something just scared the hell out of me again and suddenly yesterday’s distress came crashing down on me. I tried battling against it with apathy, but then I still found myself in a mess, drowned in my tangled thoughts; my rational mind failing me for the nth time. I know I over-reacted, I always do; but I couldn’t help it.
I keep reminding myself. No more chasing. No more submission to vulnerability.
And so sooner THAN later, I’m dealing with the changing variables. At first, it keeps upsetting me; this whole thing makes me feel unworthy; but then in the process, I guess it’s making me realize that there’s more to life than dealing with some unpleasant realities. The world that I’m in, the world that’s beneath my feet, the world that surrounds me, is such a big avenue for creating happy experiences and long-lasting memories, despite the changing plans! But for now, I guess I have to learn acceptance, no matter how much struggle it would mean. I know, I’ll get there eventually.
**Photos from my recent trip to Switzerland. Excuse me, medyo nag-eemote lang.**
2 thoughts on “Of changed plans and acceptance…”
Aw. You’ll get there eventually, Psyme. I’ll see you very very soon, let’s catch up. (:
Chrlz!! We will def catch up. See you soon. :)